Do you believe in prayer? Do you believe God is always listening and knows our hearts? Do you believe God answers prayers?
I am a believer in all the above. I believe God is working all things out for good just as scripture tells us (Romans 8:28). I believe we have to be patient and allow things to be done in God's timing and in His will.
But here I find myself obsessively praying. Using prayer as my way to fix it. Prayers that have lead more to trying to convince God to answer my will and it be His too. Not all my prayers have been selfish or for my own needs. Some have been, but I have prayed for healing and understanding, I have prayed for courage, and strength, I have prayed for another to find God and know Him like I do. My prayers for this trial have become my whole focus. I ride in silence in the car and my walks and runs have been in silence. I have just focused on talking to God to get him to see my point.
Yesterday I realized all this. I heard advice that lead me to realize I need to pray about it and let it go and let God. So today I started fresh with that. I prayed and I let go. I went on a run and I turned on the Podcast "In It With You" by Wellness Witness. I listened. I just let them roll one after the other while I went 3 miles. There were so many words I needed to hear. So many reminders I needed. I let go of my obsessive prayer and God said, "Hey, I am still here."
Scripture also says God uses trials to grow our faith (James 1:3). I have had so many God truths and realizations during one of the hardest trials I have faced in my life, and it seems every day there is a new one. While I have had moments of anger, hurt, and confusion, I have also had moments of knowing God, trusting Him, and growing my faith. I have seen where I wasn't living how I thought I was. I have seen where I was doing wrong by one I love more than anything. I have seen God walk me through each.
So when you are going through a trial remember we are called to pray. We are not called to obsessively pray, trying to convince God of our will and not letting him do his Work. Set yourself free. Know to pray, let God know your heart, and let God do the rest. Prayers are for us to talk to God and grow in our faith. Prayers are our connection with God. They are not so we can try and manipulate or convince God to do our will.